Funny Quotes

“Wolves are very resourceful. All they need to survive is for people not to shoot them.” - Bob Ferris

“There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it.” - Erma Bombeck

“There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.” - Robert Orben

"Sell gas by the half-gallon." - David Letterman

“...By allowing businesses to expense up to $75,000, it means somebody is more likely to buy a copying machine, or in this case, an architectural... fancy machine.” - George Bush

“Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it.” - Mark Twain

“Scientists say because of global warming they expect the world's oceans to rise four and a half feet. The scientists say this can mean only one thing. Gary Coleman is going to drown.” - Conan O'Brien

“President Bush has a plan (to fight global warming). He says that if we need to, we can lower the temperature dramatically just by switching from Fahrenheit to Celsius.” - jimmy Kimmel

“Heating bills this winter are the highest they've been in five years, but President Bush has a plan to combat rising bills. It's called global warming.” - Jay Leno

D@\/$0t